Some days I just want to laugh and cry out, "Uncle! Uncle!" I give already!
Oh, wait. I can't. In fact, I can't think like that. Ever. Not allowed. I can't waste a single second wishing away something over which I seem to have little control over. If I do, my thoughts might just spiral out of control if I allow them to. So I stop these thoughts in their tracks.
I embrace - yes, embrace - Meniere's like it were another appendage of my body. More like an extra, really fat, dimply, white, ugly thigh that I can't bare to look at, that I try to ignore as much as possible. But it is a part of me, no matter what I think of it.
Because I do love myself, I must love Meniere's, too. A dichotomy? Perhaps.
Things have not been as bad as they've been before and, quite thankfully, I am not having vertigo or really even serious dizzy issues. But my nose and sinuses tingle off and on. My hearing is terrible with the tinnitus sounding like a loud, fuzzy blown-out speaker that my whole brain has to filter every sound I hear through even though it's only coming from my right ear.
And the brain fog! My head feels like a fluffy cotton ball floating above my body, kind of doing it's own thing. Well, to be blunt, I just feel plain stupid much of the time. Doh, dee, doh, dee, doh...
So I carry on in my little stupor. One minute. One hour. One day at a time.
Maybe tomorrow will be better. I will be, am, grateful for every day that it is not worse.
love this attitude! it took me a while to get to this point with meniere's. once i accepted that it was a part of me and there was no turning back, it somehow made it so much easier to deal with. not that it made things *easy* just better. i also realized many years ago that if this is the hand i was dealt, then really i'm pretty darn lucky. things could've been so much worse. it could've been a tumor, multiple sclerosis, lupus, etc.
ReplyDeletegreat post!
You have a wonderfully positive attitude! Keep it up. With this disease it is very tough to keep an up-beat attitude, but with an attitude of gratitude, anything is possible!
ReplyDeleteI teach a young girl at school who is slowly deteriorating and nobody knows why. She remains undiagnosed. At 5 she was normal. At 16 she cannot walk, talk or eat. Her arm movement is limited to very slow pointing but the smile on her face is HUGE!!!!! She inspires me too. :)
Deb
Hi Deb,
ReplyDeleteThat's just terrible! When I'm feeling down I just say to myself how grateful I am that this is affecting me and not one of my children or even my husband. I hope they figure out what's wrong with that poor girl.
What else can ya do but smile and go on?
Hugs,
Angelea
Ah, the brain fog. I used to be intelligent, now I struggle to find the right word for common household items. At least it's not as bad as it was when the baby was new and I'd forget I put him to bed. ;-)
ReplyDeleteAcceptance is so hard -- but I think it goes a long way toward helping us all find happiness in the midst of whatever we're facing...not just our MM. Good post Angelea.
What a beautiful post.
ReplyDeleteNot sure I embrace the Meniere's but I do accept it as a part of me. I used to fight it tooth and nail. but now, not so much. I live with it. I wouldn't wish this on anyone else. Perhaps, by me having it, someone else was spared. (I know it probably doesn't really work that way, but I can hope.)
I do hope we aren't going through this for no reason, that someone out there can use what is happening to us to help others.
I have my days when I too just want to say UNCLE! I mean REALLY, more? Just give me a break ok? Then I get one, it may be a small little break, but I get one...and I'm grateful. Grateful for the reprieve, and grateful that I can live this life, as I've said, it may not be what I've expected, so I'll change my expectations!
I do love this post!
thank you for it.
both my ears sound all wonky lately, but I feel better. Head has been hurting, but I really think most of that has been the weather.
you are a good example of what I strive to be.
hugs.
wendy