Yoga and Rock Climbing

Last night I took Erin to a Girl Scout "spa" event for about 100 girls.  I was feeling pretty good at first, but being in a large auditorium with all the noise and motion made me start to feel quite off kilter.  Having just had vertigo earlier in the week, I wasn't sure where this was going so I quickly took 2 Valium (2 mg each) and things settled down nicely within 30 minutes.

Part of the program involved learning some yoga moves.  At first, the moms were just to sit in the back of the room while an older troop led the younger girls.  But at the end they asked all the moms to come up on the stage for the final round of poses and stretches.  I felt a little panicked as several of the poses involved balancing on one foot.  Try as I might, I just couldn't hold the tree pose; kept falling to my bad side.  Well, not surprising.  Though, I must admit, it made me want to get back into yoga as I did feel pretty good afterward.

Then today Connor attended a birthday party at an indoor rock climbing place.  After watching the kids for a bit, I thought, "I can do this!"  So up I went, about 3/4 up the wall until my arms turned into spaghetti.  I was a little disappointed I didn't get all the way to the top, but it felt great to try something new and completely outside of my comfort zone.

These past two days have made me feel so very thankful for modern medicine.  Had I decided to wait out the course of this disease and not taken what some might consider drastic measures, I am certain I would not have been able to attend these events much less participate the way I did.  I am so utterly grateful and do not take one day of freedom from vertigo for granted.

Vertigo Back?

I can't believe I have to say this, but I had a mild vertigo attack Tuesday morning.  My ear had been acting up the previous couple of days with buzzing and fullness which is always concerning.  Then, as I was eating breakfast, the walls started to wiggle and my balance went to sh*&.  I immediately took valium and laid down.  Fortunately, it only lasted about an hour and then I was able to get up and shuffle around the rest of the day.

I called for an appointment with my OTO who, consistent with his usual m.o., was booked this week and out of town the following two.  I could have gotten in to see his proteges, but I really only want to see the Big Guy in the event an major decisions need to be considered.  Plus, as this happened a couple of times after my first gent shot, too, it just may pass and become a non-urgent issue.  I will know in the next 3 weeks if the vertigo is back in force, or not.

In the meantime, my ear is popping and gurgling.  For those with MM, you know what I mean, that deep, inner ear sloshing of fluid that cannot be seen or drained.

I continue to have high-pitched ringing in my "good" ear and the past two or three mornings it has been feeling clogged, too.  This always freaks me out, but I think this has been happening all along anytime it's evil twin is acting up.

On a side note, fascinating reading about the possible correlation between vasopressin and Meniere's Disease here.  Just about every time I get vertigo, I notice I also "diurese", to put it politely.  Besides being very annoying since just turning my head is torture, much less being able to repeatedly get up to go to the bathroom, this symptom has always baffled me and made me think there is something more systemic going on.   The observation that people with MM have increased levels of vasopressin has been documented in several studies on PubMed.

Hope, hope, hope...

I Am Allergic to...

Nothing!

The allergist tested my skin for trees, grasses, molds, dust mites, and various animals and I reacted to nothing.  He then did a second test for dust mites, similar to a TB skin test, and again, nothing.  In addition, he looked at the cells from my nasal passages (sorry - gross to think about), which were inflamed by the way, and again saw no signs of allergy or infection.

The official diagnosis is Nonallergic Rhinitis.  The doctor said it can be caused by particulate matter in the air and gave me some samples of an antihistamine nasal spray to try called Patanase (olopatadine hydrochloride).  He also said if Claritin seemed to help me, I could resume taking that, as well.  But he thought the nasal spray would be more likely to work.

So I cannot attribute my Meniere's symptoms to allergies.  That's a relief, I suppose.  Or, at least, it rules out one more thing that I can say I have tried.  Since I am doing pretty well right now and the brain fog has been better this past week, I won't rock the boat and will just continue to ride this wave.

I Am Not Crazy!

I have not been visiting the Menieres.org forum much lately.  Been too busy and also just needing a break from the collective misery.  But tonight I was browsing a few recent posts and found someone there who started a thread today about memory problems.  This, of course, got my attention.  As I scrolled down, I found these two links to articles describing ME!

http://www.menieres.org/forum/index.php/topic,3672.0.html

http://www.menieres.org/forum/index.php/topic,3672.0.html

I found both articles to be super thorough and they put perfectly into words how I feel these days.  Especially the following quote contained in the first link:

"Unlikely as it seems, vestibular damage can cause memory problems. Here is why. When you damage your vestibular system, keeping your balance is now largely a conscious effort, not the automatic effortless procedure it once was. Consequently, those areas of your brain that you once just used for thought and memory, now must constantly work on keeping you balanced. As a result, your memory may suffer. You may grope for words when talking. You may easily forget what is being spoken about during a conversation. You may be easily distracted. You may have difficulty comprehending directions or instructions. You may have trouble concentrating and may feel disoriented at times."  YES!

I will still pursue the allergy testing, but am so relieved, in a weird sort of way, that I am not completely crazy.  Hallelujah!

Brain Fog and Allergies?

I have been writing for awhile now about how I have had terrible brain fog since sometime around the end of January or first part of February.  Iinitially, I attributed it to the effects of the gent shot I got in December, thinking it was just a result of brain-retraining. 

In addition to the slo-mo sensation and terrible forgetfulness, I have also had off and on pressure across the middle of my face.  But there has been no congestion or pain with it, so I was a little baffled.

Many people with Meniere's report that they suffer from allergies, too, but that their Meniere's symptoms improve significantly when they identify and treat their allergies.  Since I have been at a loss as to what else to do about the brain fog, I thought, what the heck?  I might as well look into this a little more.  Besides, if I went to the doctor just complaining of my otherwise vague symptoms, I figured they would just look at me, shrug their shoulders, and send me on my way.  So I scheduled an appointment next week to have some allergy testing done.

In the meantime, yesterday I thought I might as well take one my husband's Claritin to see what would happen and much to my amazement within a few hours I felt like a new woman!  Not only did the pressure in my face go away, but the fog lifted, too.  I took another this morning and same thing.

So the results of the testing will be interesting.  I will have to stop the Claritin on Saturday as it will otherwise skew the test results.  But I can't wait to find out what, if anything, I might be allergic to.

Brief Up-Date

I haven't been much in the mood to blog lately.  Life has been keeping me busy which is a very good thing.  I am grateful I have been able to keep up with it, despite this pesky brain fog. 

I also just finished reading Siddhartha by Herman Hesse and am now reading a book called Living Buddha, Living Christ.  These two books have motivated me to get back into a regular pattern of meditating and being very present in the moment.  I think this has lifted the brain fog noticeably.  Perhaps part of the foggy feeling I have been experiencing has been related to my being distracted by never feeling normal.  That being said, being present and calm has not lent itself to the right mindset for blogging.

I have also been contemplating where I ever got the idea that life is supposed to be easy.  Or rather, why I (we) are surprised when things don't go along as planned or expected.  If you look around, really look, it is easy to see that many, many people suffer from a million kinds of ailments, circumstances, or series of unfortunate events.  I imagine in all the generations leading up to the last one or two, and certainly still in many parts of the world, that no one expected life to always be pleasant and easy and so were maybe more resiliant to the inevitable setbacks or challenges that presented themselves.  To me, anyway, I used to have the preconceived notion that life should be pretty easy most of the time.  I am learning, though, that really I should be grateful for the times it actually is easy and to not be so surprised that most of the time it is not.

As the Buddha said, "Suffering (aka discontentment) is the result of wanting things to be different than they are."  Or, paraphrasing Jesus, good things come to bad people just as often as bad things come to good people.  But, He goes on to say, do not worry about where your next meal will come from, for God ensures that the plants and animals do not go hungry and certainly He will provide for you.

So I am living in the moment and gently bringing my mind back to it when it wanders ahead.  And peace is here, now.

Happy April Fool's Day to You, Too!

Very funny, Mr. M!  I can't believe what you have put me through these past two years.  A few weeks after that first whirling attack on April 1st, 2009 I learned I had MM and I just couldn't imagine that I would still be dealing with it 2 years later and, now I know, for the rest of my life.  Granted today I am better, far better, than I have been in the past and for that I am utterly grateful. 

But "it" never goes away, "it" is always there in the form of tinnitus, hearing loss, and periodic dizzies and currently significant brain fog.  This is still surreal...  And "it" never leaves my mind.  Fear.  Surrender.  Fear.  Sadness.  Gratitude.  Loss.  Fear.  Exhaustion.

Reinvigoration.